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Sep. 13th, 2004 11:45 pm LONG TIME NO TYPE!!!

Yes yes as you can see I havent been updating my journal. Finally this little frenchie named Suze got after me so here I am...updating my pants off lol. I go to London on Thursday!!! Im so excited! Im going to get to relax, do the touristy thing, take pictures and see all the sights...no business as usual, just fun running around the city and being a silly old claire. Id tell you all Ill bring you something back...but Im broke LOL so Im only bringing things back for the special few (you know who you are) hehe.
What else is news worthy....OH I go home in 10 days....yes count em....10 DAYS!!! Im so excited! I miss my parents and my sister like crazy, I cant wait to see my friends...and best of all I get to see my Jason and my Cristi...I just cant wait. Its actually going faster than I expected it to. Although I must say Im a tad sad to go...I will miss my friends here and the experiences Ive had, but all things eventually must come to an end.
I cant wait to get home....I swear Im going to get fat and huge and ugh...cause Im gonna go home and eat all these really yummy fatty american foods! lol anyhoo....Ill write again tomorrow...

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Aug. 9th, 2004 11:10 am My Neo Pet!!!

SapphireUphoria my pretty

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Jul. 30th, 2004 04:03 am Web Page

Wow...been awhile since Ive written in here. Ive been so busy creating my forst web page. Its done now :) Any of you who are interested in seeing it feel free :) http://www2.sjscs.com/claire enjoy :) and Ill write again later!

Current Mood: excitedexcited

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Jul. 22nd, 2004 05:50 pm Breaking the Habit

I was sitting here listening to Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park, for some reason it sparked some things. A lot of songs remind me of different people or situations...I talked to my friend Rob about this not long ago. Once I hear it, it registers that it fits that person...and I store it in my memory. Ive realised this song matches someone I know very well. Ive known this person for a long long time, probably...like 8 years. We had one amazing summer, and then it sort of ended, we're very close friends still which is awesome, but the both of us have obviously changed so much over the years. Not so much me really, I mean Ive grown and changed, but when it comes down to it Im the same Claire Ive always been, only wiser. He on the other hand has changed completely. I still just love him to pieces and I respect him more than most people, I respect his honesty and his brutal forwardness...I only could hope to be so strong and brave...but it makes me wonder...is the guy I knew still inside there somewhere? Is the guy who bladed far to speak to me on a payphone, the guy who didnt mind pet names and would sometimes allow me to push him into a pretend irc pool...is he in there somewhere? If he is, would he even hear me calling from the outside? Why does there have to be so much change in the world? Why must we all grow to be cynical and angry, why do we change? Does life just push us to it? Does our time of youth just come and then go and there is nothing we can do about it? Whats the answer, and if there is an answer...how do you break down that wall thats built up around the person you once knew? And do we really want people to go backwards? Hasnt life taught us that moving forward is what's important? Gah...I dont have any answers in life anymore, funny how I used to think I knew it all...

"I don't know what's worth fighting for or why I have to scream. I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean. I don't know how I got this way I know it's not alright. So I'm breaking the habit... I'm breaking the habit tonight"

Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: Breaking The Habit- Linkin Park

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Jul. 21st, 2004 03:58 pm WebPage?

Ive decided to start working on my own web page...I dont have a clue when it will be done, how crappy it will be, or what its going to be about. I however have learned that sometimes talking about random silly nonsense things can be quite appealing. If you dig those kinds of things...be sure to check out http://www.paynomind.com my mikey is quite the web page master if you ask me. Full of useless info that is sure to make you laugh lol Anyway, Ill be sure to keep everyone updated so you can check it out when its finished.

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Jul. 21st, 2004 03:45 pm I'll Have Two!!!!

Ok, so I want to tell you about these neat little things I discovered here in England today. They are called Jaffa Cakes, and oh my lord can I tell you..I could easily get fat and happy off these things...easily. The description on the box explains them rather well "Oringinal sponge cakes with plain chocolate and the smashing orangey bit" because duh...no one can live without the smashing orangey bit...sheesh. They are just so yummy, the chocolate is top notch and the orangey bit...well its SMASHING! Here is the picture I scanned


Yummmmmmmmmmy! If you haven't tried these, or you dont have them in your country...omg please, reach out for help, dont be afraid. Ill send ya some!

Current Mood: hungryhungry

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Jul. 20th, 2004 02:36 pm A Strange Life

I spoke with my friend Ben last night about some things that have been bothering me lately. Being here in England, it's stirred up a lot of emotions, maybe because Im away from my friends and family, maybe its just the country, I dont know. But Im feeling down, really down, and thats odd for me...normally Im pretty happy go lucky. Ive been feeling a bit lost lately, I feel like I dont really have a place or much of a purpose. Im here in England living my dream, doing what makes me happy...but it still doesnt feel like enough, or maybe the right thing...Im not sure. Maybe its my ego getting the better of me, I mean could I possibly believe I deserve better than a swing role in a musical? I know..dont bite the hand that feeds you, but I just want more for my life, I dont want to settle.

A friend told me not two days ago that we shouldnt settle, never settle, and I know he is right, but how do I know if I strive for something higher and I fail...that I wont lose my chance all together? I want to continue writing my music, I want people to hear me and what I have to say, Im tired of singing and dancing like a puppet on a string. I have ideas and thoughts and talents that I want and need to share with the world, but how do I make people listen? Im a romantic, and who knows...maybe that will be my downfall, maybe Ill spend the rest of my life looking for something that just isnt there, maybe Ill die old and alone, with a withered un met dream, I just dont know the answer to that, but I know that my heart wont settle...and Im not sure how to quiet it and be still.

All my life I have worked so hard to make others happy, to please everyone, to heal and comfort...Ive forgotten about what makes me happy, to be honest Im not even sure what that is anymore. Im happy when Im alone with my thoughts and my music, Im happy when I can express myself, but where will a singing artistic hermit make her place in this world? How do I make my own path when I cant see where Im going? How do you find light in utter unending darkness? Where are the answers and how do you seek them out when no one even seems to understand what you are talking about?

I lead a strange life right now, there is so much to be happy about, but nothing all at the same time. Im just kind of lost and not sure what Im even looking to find.

Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
Current Music: I will find you- from the last of the mohicans

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Jul. 20th, 2004 02:33 pm At It Again

1. who are you?
2. are we friends?
3. when and how did we meet?
4. how have i affected you?
5. what do you think of me?
6. what's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. how long do you think we will be friends?
8. do you love me?
9. do you have a crush on me?
10. would you kiss me?
11. would you hug me?
12. physically, what stands out?
13. emotionally, what stands out?
14. do you wish i was cooler?
15. on a scale of 1-10, how hot am i?
16. give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. am i loveable?
18. how long have you known me?
19. describe me in 3 words
20. what was your first impression?
21. do you still think that way about me now?
22. what do you think my weakness is?
23. do you think i'll get married?
24. what makes me happy?
25. what makes me sad?
26. what reminds you of me?
27. if you could give me anything what would it be?
29. how well do you know me?
29. do you wish to get to know me more?
30. ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. do you think i could kill someone?
32. are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what i say about you?

I posted this a long time ago, but Im posting it again, because damnit you people didnt respond...so respond respond or Ill find you and eat your children and stuff!

Current Mood: boredbored

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Jul. 19th, 2004 09:14 am Day Dreamer

Ya know, I read other peoples journals a lot and Im starting to think I dont have very much to say...odd for me. I guess I write more about random things than I do things of importance...Oh well :) Thus is life I suppose. Its not even Aug. yet, Im dying! Im so ready to go home its not even funny! I spoke to my mom the other day and she seems really excited to see me, which for some reason strikes me as odd because we never have been very close. I think me being gone for so long has really affected some things in her, which is good. My daddy of course cant wait to see me, and I miss him terribly, we've always been close and its very hard being away from him. I dont know why but the last three years Ive been awfully aware of my age, and in turn very aware of my parents age...I get paranoid all the time about my dad passing away, I mean he is 55...it may seem morbid but like...I know this sounds cliche...but I cant IMAGINE my life without my dad..its just absolutly unthinkable, and being this far away makes that even more intense, cause what if God forbid I wasnt there and something happened etc etc...I hate thinking that way but its so hard not to.

Ok...on a completely different topic...I want brownies RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! damnit....gah....Im gonna die now....okies Im off for now :) Ill write later

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Jul. 15th, 2004 06:28 am No Quizzes

I made a promise to a friend last night that I would do no more quizzes for a super long time. I need to start getting raw and real LOL.
So tonight I watched the Matrix 1 2 and 3 all back to back...and I cant even begin to tell you how friend my brain is. I love the first one..but the others UGH I spent so much effort trying to understand them that I simply didnt enjoy them.

Im thinking on what to do for a new rp character, Ive been told to play a torie, but I swear Im always on that borderline...artsy...sweet...romantic...I want to do something new and different...my characters are always far too much like me.

Ok I was going to finish this but now Im just too tired...so ni ni!!!!

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